By Kevin Wilson
Brock Allen Turner, aka the Stanford Rapist, aka a festering pile of vulture shit stuffed into a creepy flesh sack that looks like it ought to be sitting behind the wheel of a van with “free candy” written on the side rather than in the suit that he appears in the only photo anyone ever shows of him, was sentenced to six months in prison for raping an unconscious woman.
Why, you ask?
Well no shit, Sherlock. That’s sort of the point of prison. You commit a heinous act, you get locked away in a tiny little cell with a bunch of other criminals, where hopefully your spend the entirety of your sentence finding new applications for the word “fist.”
It’s the social contract we are all bound by, and it only works so long as everyone is truly equal in the eyes of the law. That contract has already been damaged by studies that show that minorities are often subject to harsher sentences, and we’ve seen recently been introduced to the term “affluenza.”
That’s a subject we’ll cover in depth in the next few weeks. Believe me, there’s a lot of ground to cover there. For now though, I’ve got a different mission.
See, I think the judge might be onto something. An extended prison sentence just doesn’t fit the crime of raping an unconscious woman. Sure, it might get the guy off the streets, but we can do better than that. So here’s a short, certainly not all inclusive list of more appropriate sentences.
- Insert a glass rod into his penis, then smack it with a hammer.
- Castration by hydrofluoric acid.
- Being dressed in a gorilla suit and given a toddler in the Cincinnati Zoo.
- Field testing radio detonated explosives on top of a cellphone tower.
- Spoiling the plot of Star Wars Episode VIII for a Sith themed biker gang.
- Being drowned in a barrel of baby shit.
- Firing squad made up of Parkinson’s patients.
Look, it’s hard to come up with a fitting sentence for this turd floating in the gene pool. No amount of suffering on his part will make things right, but dammit, six months? That’s fucking insane. No one should be okay with this.
There are people who spend decades in jail over drug charges. Not rape, not murder, drug charges.
Take the case of Sharanda Jones, whose first offense for cocaine earned her life in prison. Jones was a nonviolent offender who, while guilty, was hit with a life sentence because of mandatory minimum sentencing. Prosecutors milked her sentence for all it was worth and the judge had no choice but to give her life without parole.
Then there’s Timothy Tyler, another nonviolent drug offender with a side of mental illness who got caught selling a little less than $4,000 worth of acid to an undercover cop. To be fair, that’s a lot of freaking acid, but worth sentencing a 25 year old with fucked up brain chemistry to die behind bars?
When the Obama administration announced a clemency program for nonviolent drug offenders hit by the draconian three strikes laws, over 35,000 people applied. To date, less than a fraction of a percent of a percent have been freed. To qualify, for clemency, one must be a nonviolent offender, have no connections to gangs or cartels, have good conduct in prison, and have served at least 10 years of their sentence.
In other words, they have to have at least served 20 times what that sack of syphilitic camel testicles will serve at most.
No one is going to try to make the case that these folks are innocent little angels, but holy fucking shit, how is that justice?
Answer: it isn’t. Brock Allen Turner’s pathetic 6 months in prison is an insult to the very notion of justice. It’s an insult to every cop who’s had to restrain themselves from beating a rapist within an inch of their lives, or putting a bullet in their back and saying they tried to run. It’s an insult to every victim who’s had to put their life back together after enduring one of the most horrendous crimes humankind has ever invented.
Justice should be blind to skin color or social status, protecting the victim and punishing the criminal without regard to who they are or how much is in their bank account. Justice should be fair, ensuring that the punishment fits the crime. In the case of the rapist Brock Allen Turner, it was neither, and we should all be disgusted.