Hypocrisy, Thy Name Is…

By Kevin Wilson

Question: if I were to say that protesters who resort to violence deserve to be drowned in fetid camel jizz, would you consider that to be a controversial statement? Obviously the drowning in rotten desert horse semen part might be a bit much for some, but the general sentiment should be something we can all get behind.

If you go out to protest with the intent of damaging property or hurting people, you are a terrible person, yes?

That seems like a fairly universal principle, something we as Americans should be able to get behind. Peaceably assemble, protest, wave banners, whatever. You might be a complete sack of shit, but so long as you don’t turn violent, you’re protected under the 1st Amendment. And as soon as you turn violent, you deserve to get your ass beat by the police and locked in prison.

Are we all on the same page?

I’d like to think so, but apparently not.

See, this thing in Charlottesville has helped shine some light on the American public, and that light isn’t a flattering one. Many of the folks condemning the Nazi fucks out there starting fights and driving cars into crowds are the same ones who made excuses when Ferguson burned, or when Antifa started throwing punches and breaking shit in Berkeley. And many of the folks making excuses for the violence in Charlottesville are the same ones who were up in arms about the other those other riots.

Hypocrisy, thy name is America.

You can’t have it both ways, people. Violence is violence is violence. None of these people were forced to act the way they did. They made the choice to cross the line from protester to rioter. You can argue all day long about whether or not they were right to protest in the first place, but you can’t argue that they surrendered any moral high ground they might have had when they started hurting people and breaking things.

Well, you can, I guess. Shit, everybody on Facebook seems to think so. But if you’re going to play favorites, you might as well go ahead and stamp “I’m a hypocrite” on your forehead. Because that’s exactly what the fuck you are.

You can try to justify it, deny it, twist and bend words, but you’re just wasting your time. “Good for me but not for thee” only works when explaining to toddlers why they can’t get into your stash of Rip Its. And not even then, because toddlers know that’s bullshit too, and then spend the next three hours literally bouncing off the walls before collapsing into a coma.

Oh, and while we’re nailing people to the wall for hypocrisy, how about let’s ease up on the whole calling for political leaders to condemn said violence, then claiming it’s not good enough. Because that’s pretty damned annoying too.

“Oh, why aren’t Republicans calling out the protesters in Charlottesville? It must be RACISM!”

Jesus fucking Christ, Ted “I’m Probably Not the Zodiac Killer” Cruz called for the guy who ran his car into the crowd to be tried for terrorism. Ben Shapiro, the guy who could accurately be considered the face of the young Right who don’t quite go full Alt-Right, did the same. What more do you want? You can’t bloody well expect them to gear up and start beating skinheads if you weren’t gonna call for the high and mighty of the Left to do the same while Ferguson burned.

Oi, you, Righty, I’m not done with you yet either. President Trump used almost precisely the same level of condemnation President Obama did for the Ferguson and Baltimore riots, but that’s totally cool for him even though it made Obama the Antichrist? He was the goddamn president. Did you expect him to pick up a riot gun and start bean bagging looters or some shit? If Trump picks up an FN-303 and starts hosing down Nazis with CS rounds, maybe you’ll have a case, but until then, kindly fuck yourselves.

This is a certifiable nightmare. You’re all playing into the hands of the worst elements of the left and right with gleeful abandon, not to mention our enemies. We can’t afford that shit right now. North Korea is threatening to blast Guam back to the stone age, ISIS still infects the Middle East like an extremist herpes blister, Afghanistan is just as much of a cluterfuck as it was fifteen years ago, and you’re too busy being hypocritical assholes to care.

Makes a man wish he had another drink. Wait, no, still one more left in the bottle. It’s okay, liver. You’ll pull through, I promise.




Kevin Wilson is an artilleryman in the North Carolina National Guard. His hobbies include reading, writing, and looking down on Star Trek fans. He also enjoys whiskey and long walks on the beach, so long as they don't actually involve long walks or beaches. You can follow him on Twitter @gatling216 but we really wouldn't advise it.

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